Monday, January 28, 2013

i am more than... hopeless

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29:11

The Envelope

When I opened the mailbox on yesterday and saw the big, white envelope, I knew exactly what it was…my final divorce decree.  Signed, Sealed, and Delivered.
It wasn’t like I didn’t know the package was coming. I initiated the process.  I was in court the week before.  I was there through the whole thing.  But something about holding the papers in my hand finally made it all real.
Less than a year ago, I was filled with so much hope for myself, my husband, my family, my marriage….my future.  Even though we had hit rock bottom, I thought I saw so clearly how God was using our trials to transform our lives, bring us closer together and closer to Him.  That hope renewed my strength and gave me so much faith.  Needless to say that when my “transformed” marriage went back into the gutter only a few, short months later, so did all that faith and hope I found.
I was disappointed.  I was hurt.  I was angry.  I just knew that God HAD to hate me.  I was convinced I had no future.  I was hopeless…or so I thought
Receiving that final decree in the mail brought me so much clarity, because I finally took a moment to truly reflect on what had really happened in the 6 months since I filed for divorce.